Last month we talked about what could be holding us back. Well, it could be lots of things. It’s probably stuff that we don’t even realize. Much of it could have occurred in our childhoods, and we were unable to release it. It’s still rattling around and blocking us. It’s certainly worth spending some quiet time with frustrations—especially repeated familiar ones, to see if we can trace them back to where they began.
As children, we’re not equipped to understand that when someone says something mean and hurtful that it could be coming from a place of pain within them. Heck, even as adults, it’s hard to see. We take things personally and often take them to heart. If we step outside of ourselves long enough to donate a little bit of compassion to the person who lashed out at us, it shifts everything. I was just talking about this with Audra Schmeckpeper, life coach, owner and creator of Funky Blue Lotus Jewelry. Her take on it is, “It’s a game changer in life, mostly because 99% of the time, none of what we thought about the person, and what they did, was true. We saw it thru our lens of perception, our beliefs, and patterns of the past.
And maybe we are still mad. Maybe they were WRONG. But, we have one very strong power. The ability to forgive. I know, it sounds like weakness, right? It sounds like defeat.
It’s just the opposite. It takes strength. It takes a moment of stillness, and it does take a dose of compassion. But, it’s freedom. If you can bring yourself to forgive someone for harming you, it’s a closure. The hurt can start to heal. You can be free of it. It may or may not affect that person. You may or may not verbally communicate anything to them. But, it frees YOU. You can move on with your life unencumbered by that wounding act. And as Audra said, there is a good chance that they didn’t even realize what they were doing to you.
We can offer this very important tool to the little ones in our lives.
First, we need them to be able see through the lens of others. Let them know that mean actions come from a place of hurt on the other person’s part. It is not something that is easy to perceive. But, once you point it out to them, and give them those special glasses, they will start to understand.
This leads into the second piece: the ability to forgive them for their desire to hurt someone else. That’s a big concept. As big as God is. If you say the Lord’s Prayer with them, point out the line, “and forgive us our trespasses (sins), as we forgive those who trespass (have sinned) against us”. Just as we accept God’s forgiveness when we do something wrong, we need to stop and grant that to others.
The magic lies in the aftermath. A child will be able to feel it and remember that when they are able to forgive (with your guidance), they will feel better. Demonstrate this in a real event. When they come home with a grievance about a wrong-doing, walk them through this. And then, check in with them the next day. Do they see the wrong-doer differently? Do they, themself, feel free of it? If not, keep talking it out with them. You are freeing them from these burdens that can pile up and stifle them further down the road. More importantly, you are giving them the tool that they will need so many times in life.
I’ll leave you with the some more words from Audra.
“So, if we can view life through rose colored glasses, loving ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and one another…we will only ever see the good, the gift and the lessons we chose to learn in life.
Everything, everyone—every encounter becomes a personalized gift if you are willing to receive it, and there are many! It’s all about the journey, put your glasses on, and enjoy the ride!”
Check out Audra’s cool stuff at https://www.facebook.com/funkybluelotus/
If you know of a children’s book that deals with this concept in an engaging way, let us know, we’ll share the link on our page.